Josh, Tahoe, Twins and a new apartment

So it has been 2 months since I made a post, and it has been a whirlwind! Here are some updates/highlights:

Josh
Josh sadly passed away on Dec. 13 from genetic colon cancer. We are all relieved that he is done suffering, but it has been a hard time for everyone who knew him and his family. Jesse, Ella and I booked our flights to the east coast for the funeral held on Dec. 19. It was a very hard time, but it was so good to see our family again, and to be with everyone during that time. The funeral was very touching, and a beautiful celebration of Josh's life. I wanted to post what Jesse said at the funeral. When Jesse showed me what he wrote for the service, I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I've read, and really opened a window into his relationship with Josh:

To Josh: 

I cannot think of my childhood without you

You were in every memory, every thought, every time

You required more attention than I, though I never held a grudge

Your creativity was unmatched; you were ahead of your time

You gave by simply being, your ideas were hilarious

You never criticized me

Creativity is all that mattered in your club

Outside the box is where you lived and thrived

OCD could not contain you, Schizophrenia did not define you

Your mind was truly a beautiful thing, always charming and discerning

Right and wrong, moral dilemmas, areas we like to make black and white

You tackled and discussed at length, a model for using our hearts and minds

You didn’t just want “a new law”

Boredom did not exist with you around, it simply could not

I admit sometimes I would zone out, you were often way over my head

You were easily discounted, misinterpreted and confused

For something far worse than you were

Often frustrated, seldom truly heard, and frequently misunderstood

So logical, too logical for your own good, you’d miss the simplistic

You always beat me in the proverbs game, you bum

You never desired any fanfare, for anything at all

Good discussion, feedback, engaging conversation is what you valued

I see it better now, I see you better now

I love you Josh, Do you have to go?

Lara and I recently read a book entitled Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo. It’s a quick read and highlights the true story account of Todd’s son Colton and his trip to heaven while undergoing an emergency appendectomy. Colton was three at the time, but is able to relay details about heaven including Jesus, brilliant colors, and meeting relatives he had never met before. Colton’s matter of fact statements about the realities of heaven are told with such fervor and innocence, he convinces even the most skeptical reader. Lara and I finished reading this book about 12 hours before Josh passed away. We went to sleep with pictures of heaven in our mind and awoke on the morning of Dec 13. to the news of Josh’s passing. God has blessed Lara and I with such a vivid image of heaven through the reading of this book. We feel like God used this story to prepare our hearts and better understand that Josh is with his Savior, without paranoia, skepticism, or questioning if he has done enough. I want to conclude with a common yet powerful passage of scripture. Revelation 21:1-6

Tahoe
When we returned from the funeral on Dec. 22, we had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. We had planned a small 3 night trip to Lake Tahoe as a "getaway" for the three of us as a respite from the big changes in our lives. It was a wonderful, rejuvenating trip that refreshed us. The scenery was some of the most spectacular I've ever seen. It was gorgeous!!

 

Twins
So many of you know, we found out we are having twins in May. This has been an utter surprise to Jesse and I.  There are things that you picture yourself doing or having, and twins was not one of them! But we are both very excited, and are trusting that God will keep us secure in his hands through this new time.

As a funny aside, my one rule/motto for having kids has always been, "I just don't want to have 2 in diapers." Hahahahaha...isn't it ironic? We had an ultrasound on Friday, and both babies are healthy and moving like crazy!! And....though it's no guarantee, we saw what looked like a boy!!! (In 2 weeks we are going to Oakland for an "official" ultrasound...so stay posted!!

Apartment
Okay, so my last piece of news is that we found an apartment! We are in newspaper and cardboard boxes up to our eyebrows, and trying to find anything has been a major test in brainpower and patience. I will post pics of the process soon.

Thank you for all the prayers! They are certainly getting us through this time.
Lara

The Close of a Difficult Month

So October brought the close to a difficult month for Jesse, Ella, and I. We knew it would be hard, but wow...I'm so glad Oct. is over. It's usually one of my favorite months of the year, but not this time.
My life right now consists of waking up, feeling sick throughout the morning, constantly getting worse throughout the afternoon, until I'm almost in tears around 7pm. I throw up once or twice, and go to bed at 9pm with a terrible stomachache, crying, and feeling utterly terrible. I usually wake up around 3am and eat a cracker or two, because I wake up with such a bad stomachache. I don't really go anywhere, because I'm scared I might throw up in public (went to one store, and didn't think I was going to make it.....terrible feeling!). I get motion sickness very badly too...riding in the car, even watching fast-paced movies, Ella dancing or running around makes me sick.
This morning sickness has lasted for the entire month of Oct, and doesn't seem to be slowing down. I do have a doctor's appointment Monday, so hopefully she will prescribe some anti-nausea medication that will help!
Jesse has been gone for two weekends back to back in Oct. He was a groomsmen in Nathan Cronk's wedding in Rochester, NY (and also got to visit his brother Josh, which was wonderful for him) and he was a groomsmen in Nathan Bush's wedding in Winston-Salem, NC. I was really glad he was able to go to each wedding, and he had a wonderful time. It was just difficult for me to be without him while going through this nausea.
Ella has been adjusting to living with my parents, but I can tell it has been hard for her, too. She has acted out more this month, and is learning to obey my parents. With Jesse traveling and me not feeling well, I'm sure she is thinking, "What in the world is going on?" When Jesse was gone, and she came into my bed every night around 2am, crying. :(
My parents have helped out so much, and I'm grateful for everything they've done. I don't know what I would do without their help, even just being here to play with her, since I feel so terrible.
Jesse is adjusting to classes, but he is very busy. When he is home, he is working on assignments, and if you can believe it, he has midterms next week! It is a new environment for him, and he's being patient with making friends.
We are also very saddened by Josh's continued decline. It is painful and sad. I feel connected to him in a way, because of my daily throwing up, and being in some form of pain and discomfort makes me think of him more, and how brave he is. I know Josh throws up a lot and is in terrible pain, much, much worse than mine. Josh, we are going to miss you so much. We think about you all the time.
For more info: www.caringbridge.org/visit/joshuawinn
Well that wraps up my long, depressing synopsis...I hate that it is such a downer, but I can't sugar coat it...Our life is hard right now, and I know in life we share good times and bad times, and it's nice to share with friends. I pray and hope for better days ahead.

Cars and Babies and Ebay oh my!

So this week has been fun! After driving to Stockton three times (about 45min away), Jesse and I purchased a car! It wasn't easy! Our budget ($3,000-$5,000) didn't lend itself well to finding non-shady cars. :) We looked primarily at Honda Civics, Toyota Corrollas, and a couple Chevy Malibu's. We searched Consumer Reports for the best rated cars with the best gas mileage, and these were it! So after trying a few out, we found one that fit the bill and paid cash for it (what an awesome feeling!) It is a 2001 white Honda Civic with 107K, 4 doors, no A/C (unfortunately) but a brand new CD player. It was listed for $5,999 at a used car dealership, but we got it for $3,000 including tax (9.25%!!), registration fees, etc. I'll post a pic of the car soon; right now Jesse is at school with it.

Our second biggest revelation for the week (only in order of when we found out) is that I am 1 month pregnant! This was very exciting when I first found out (and it still is), because I was feeling fine. But that all changed Sunday morning. Since Sunday, I have been so sick...was I this sick with Ella? I guess, but this feels 100x worse! I've been subsisting on Saltines and Sprite. Nothing sounds appetizing, expect I had a huge craving for cheese pizza. But then after I ate it, I couldn't even look at it! I also get nauseated when I think about doing things...like going on the computer (this is my first time since Sunday) or thinking about Christmas (which I'm trying to plan for)...did anyone experience this? It was like looking at the computer made me sick. So this afternoon, I'm feeling a bit better, but still pretty bad. I hope I can start being sick only in the mornings, so that I can have some relief during part of the day, because I don't know if I can do this for 2-3 more months!

So my last note is about Ebay....I wanted to share about a purse I bought on Ebay (I promptly threw my old purse away as we were driving away from Lynchburg) so I found this Marc Jacobs purse for only $38! I love the interior!
I'm also selling a pair of Kate Spade shoes and a pair of Cole Haan shoes on Ebay that I found at a thrift store...hoping to make a little $$! Here is the purse I bought:

and the shoes I'm selling:

Crossing my fingers! They were both in great condition, so we'll see how much I can make...fun to have something to do!
Lara

Re-orientation

Moving back to the Bay Area has not been like riding a bike...I didn't just snap my fingers and I'm picking up life where it left off.
 I haven't lived in this area in eight years, and wow, did I forget a lot! Even street names have been difficult to recall. I drive by stores and say, "Oh yea! I remember that!" Well, actually I didn't remember that; in fact, I don't remember a lot, and it seems Jesse may have a better time navigating this area than I will.
So while Jesse is orienting himself to the area, the new stores, banks, gas stations, short cuts, I am re-orienting myself to the friends and faces I knew, the memories I have, and my favorite hang-out spots.
I'm seeing this area in a whole new way. In high school I was interested in, let's see....my school, the mall, and cheap food. Other than that, I'm surprised at how little I know the area. A nice place to eat? I have no idea.... Nice aparment complexes? Couldn't name one... I know the places my family frequented, but I don't have memories on my own.
So as Jesse orients himself with classes, I am having my own orientation lesson, and it is taking longer than I thought!
The great thing about my forgetfulness is that the Bay Area has a newness that I wasn't expecting. I'm re-discovering it, yet I feel like I am discovering it for the first time. How very exciting!

The Beginning of Our Blog

 Though I'm a bit late on the blogger train, I guess there is nowhere else to start except at the beginning. So here is my first post; don't judge it too harshly. The design may be a bit girly, but I'm in love with vintage right now (who isn't?) and I love old maps...aren't they great?
So to recap how we came to this position of blogging, I will do a concise overview:
A year ago, Jesse began applying for doctorate programs. We looked at schools in LA, Boston, Chicago, New York, and SF Bay Area. We liked a lot of schools, but it became clear that with a two year old, we should look at schools near family. So that ruled out LA and Chicago, and Boston quickly followed (Jesse does have family in the Northeast, but still a few hours away). New York was an option for a while, but a school in Pleasant Hill, CA was  piquing Jesse's interest.
Around Christmas 2009, Jesse applied for one school: John F. Kennedy University in Pleasant Hill. He was selected to interview, and flew from VA for a quick weekend trip in February. About a month later, he was informed that he had been accepted.
The decision to accept was difficult. From the beginning, I thought we should wait one more year. My business with Elisha, Petal Flower Company, was taking off, and we were just beginning to get on our feet financially. But we accepted, and six months later, here we are: in California.