So October brought the close to a difficult month for Jesse, Ella, and I. We knew it would be hard, but wow...I'm so glad Oct. is over. It's usually one of my favorite months of the year, but not this time.
My life right now consists of waking up, feeling sick throughout the morning, constantly getting worse throughout the afternoon, until I'm almost in tears around 7pm. I throw up once or twice, and go to bed at 9pm with a terrible stomachache, crying, and feeling utterly terrible. I usually wake up around 3am and eat a cracker or two, because I wake up with such a bad stomachache. I don't really go anywhere, because I'm scared I might throw up in public (went to one store, and didn't think I was going to make it.....terrible feeling!). I get motion sickness very badly too...riding in the car, even watching fast-paced movies, Ella dancing or running around makes me sick.
This morning sickness has lasted for the entire month of Oct, and doesn't seem to be slowing down. I do have a doctor's appointment Monday, so hopefully she will prescribe some anti-nausea medication that will help!
Jesse has been gone for two weekends back to back in Oct. He was a groomsmen in Nathan Cronk's wedding in Rochester, NY (and also got to visit his brother Josh, which was wonderful for him) and he was a groomsmen in Nathan Bush's wedding in Winston-Salem, NC. I was really glad he was able to go to each wedding, and he had a wonderful time. It was just difficult for me to be without him while going through this nausea.
Ella has been adjusting to living with my parents, but I can tell it has been hard for her, too. She has acted out more this month, and is learning to obey my parents. With Jesse traveling and me not feeling well, I'm sure she is thinking, "What in the world is going on?" When Jesse was gone, and she came into my bed every night around 2am, crying. :(
My parents have helped out so much, and I'm grateful for everything they've done. I don't know what I would do without their help, even just being here to play with her, since I feel so terrible.
Jesse is adjusting to classes, but he is very busy. When he is home, he is working on assignments, and if you can believe it, he has midterms next week! It is a new environment for him, and he's being patient with making friends.
We are also very saddened by Josh's continued decline. It is painful and sad. I feel connected to him in a way, because of my daily throwing up, and being in some form of pain and discomfort makes me think of him more, and how brave he is. I know Josh throws up a lot and is in terrible pain, much, much worse than mine. Josh, we are going to miss you so much. We think about you all the time.
For more info: www.caringbridge.org/visit/joshuawinn
Well that wraps up my long, depressing synopsis...I hate that it is such a downer, but I can't sugar coat it...Our life is hard right now, and I know in life we share good times and bad times, and it's nice to share with friends. I pray and hope for better days ahead.
